Postpartum Series: Ruby
In our second interview for the postpartum series, I am bringing you an interview with Ruby Field. Ruby is a mama in her 20’s who lives in Auckland. She is also pregnant with her second baby - a little girl!
We discuss all things postpartum, and Ruby shares her advice for new mamas.
Hi Ruby! Thank you so much for joining me in an interview about your postpartum experience.
Let’s start by introducing yourself and your little family…
Hi! My name is Ruby, I have a wonderful fiancé Jordan, a cat called Pookie and an 11 month old son Koa!
Koa is almost 11 months old. He is Maori, Balinese and NZ European so quite a mixture. He has a really sweet and gentle demeanour about him but he can also be very cheeky and inquisitive which I think he gets from his Dad. He is a very busy boy, loves playing with anything he can find and climbing the furniture.
Can you tell us about giving birth to Koa, and your subsequent postpartum recovery?
My pregnancy with Koa was pretty good, no complications etc however I suffered from major antenatal anxiety the whole time due to having a miscarriage in December 2019. I constantly felt worried that something was wrong or going to go wrong that would result in us losing this pregnancy.
Thankfully everything was fine but it was a very tough 40 weeks!
When it came to his birth, it went how I had hoped and wanted it to. I went into labour early morning on the 6th of January 2021. It dragged on over the day, but nothing too crazy. During the night it really ramped up, so we headed to Waitakere Hospital in the early hours of the 7th January where we met our midwives.
I was 5cm dilated when we arrived so I kept up with the tens machine and then hopped into the birthing pool. After a while I decided I wanted an epidural so they gave me one… and a few hours later Koa was born, within only 10 minutes of pushing!
It was the most surreal feeling but I was so relieved and happy to finally have him out here in the world with us!
Are you happy with how much support you had after having a baby? What do you think we, as a community, can do, to support new mamas?
We were discharged from the hospital two hours after Koa was born and went to the Helensville Birth Centre for two nights. I’m so glad we did as the midwives there are on the clock 24/7 and really helped me with learning to breastfeed.
Once we left Birthcare, I felt like we were just on our own with no real support outside of our family and friends. We have wonderful families who would cook us meals and clean our house.
After they left it felt very lonely and hard for a bit.
I suffered from postnatal depression and sleep deprivation which was really tough. I went to my GP about getting some support and antidepressants but they told me I couldn’t take them because I was breastfeeding. Now after talking to multiple people and professionals I’ve realised that isn’t the case at all. However, I have a wonderful nutritionist/naturopath who gave me some herbal tonics which really helped me too.
I found it strange that we prepare so much for birth during the pregnancy but no one really tells you how tough postpartum can be.
What is the best thing about being a mama?
The best thing is feeling like I have a purpose.
I just love watching Koa grow up into this amazing boy and develop new skills everyday. He is so much fun and so happy all the time. He is my greatest achievement in life.
What have you found the most difficult?
The most difficult part is mourning the old life and freedom I used to have. Some days I miss being able to just leave the house with my keys, phone and wallet. I often feel guilty for feeling like that but I think it’s something I have to accept and is normal. And the sleep deprivation - that was rough but I’m so happy we have it sorted now.
In 2021 the juggle is real for mamas and their careers. What are your plans around balancing motherhood and work?
I was actually meant to be going back to my job next week however we have another baby on the way due in April 2022 so I ended up having to resign.
I think I will go back to working eventually but right now I am going to focus on being a stay at home mum.
You and Jordan got engaged shortly after Koa was born, congratulations!! What relationship advice would you give to couples who have a baby on the way?
Thank you!
I think having a baby can cause a pretty big shift in the dynamics of a relationship.
We’ve gone from just being us two to suddenly having someone else at the centre of our lives and being the main priority. In the beginning we found it quite hard with me being home 24/7 and Jordan juggling Dad-life/social-life and work-life. But I believe communication is the key to avoiding conflict - saying how we feel, what we need help with etc. It is still a work in progress but we are getting there!
What are you looking forward to the most about having a small age gap between kids?
To be honest I am pretty terrified of having two children under two!
I have a lot of guilt that Koa won’t be the only baby anymore. I grew up as an only child, so for me it seems strange to have to share your parents with someone else! But Jordan is close in age with his three sisters and they all get along great, so I’m hoping our babies will be the same!
What will be your essential newborn items for baby number two?
Bonds Wondersuits - or any zip up suits
Good blackout blinds
Do you have any other advice for new mamas trying to navigate life postpartum?
Always ask for help from anyone you can - don’t let pride get in the way.
Eat and sleep as much as possible.
Try not to compare yourself/your baby to what others are like - especially on social media.
The first year goes by way too quickly so make the most of every moment.
I want to say a huge thank you to Ruby for sharing her postpartum journey with us!! I really enjoyed learning about her postpartum experience she offers some excellent advice to other mamas.
Ruby is so brave for speaking openly about her experience with postpartum depression. It’s important to remove all stigma around maternal mental health and know that it’s okay to seek help.
Raising a baby in this day and age is a bloody tough gig, especially during lockdowns and the uncertainty of covid - Koa is such a beautiful boy and is a credit to Ruby & Jordan for raising him so well. Another big congratulations on the engagement and pending arrival of their little girl 💓
Thanks again Ruby x
